Boringback Mountain

So, as promised, the weekend delivered a little cowboy loving. Brokeback Mountain. I had so wanted to see this movie, for the many reasons as follows:

1) I live where it was shot. No, not Wyoming. Calgary. The city that I love, the city I have chosen to be my home for a multitude of reasons…the kind people, the vibrancy, the relatively temperate climate, and the intense beauty of the mountains and prairies surrounding it. And what better way to showcase the beautiful places that I have been time and again - but that always amaze me every time I see them - than on the big screen.

2) I have friends who worked on the film. Okay, not friends. Acquaintances. As the last time I checked, “friends” did not involve a bunch of arrogant backstabbing wankers who are so out of touch with reality that they think that if they prepare a cheque for an art director with cute little stickers all over it, that they are suddenly, somehow, Heath Ledger’s new best friend.

3) Heath Ledger. Jake Gyllenhaal. Having sex. With each other.

And now for a small disclaimer before the rant that follows. I was in no way upset by, offended by, nor cared about the homosexuality in the film. I couldn’t care less if someone is gay, straight, both…I have friends who are gay...a family member who is gay…and it isn’t an issue. I love them all for who they are...so my distaste for the film has nothing to do with that particular detail of the film. (Though I did note one redneck couple storm out of the theatre after the first kiss between Ennis and Jack…which I must only presume means that the good ol’ boy had done gone seen that thar movie poster for that thar cowboy movie and had convinced the little lady to go see it after church on Sunday. In which case I don’t find the film nearly as offensive as the closed-minded uninformed conservatives that make up this Province for the most part...but that is another rant for a different day.)

What my lack of enthusiasm really has to do with is that it was soo sooo sooooooo boring. I mean really really boring. They took a short story and turned it into a feature length film. It’s like when you were in high school and had to write a 1000 word essay and only had one thing to say. That thought got repeated over and over - stretched out beyond belief, and even if it were a good idea to begin with, bored the teacher to tears and you ended up with a C+. I mean – if you’ve seen the movie – substitute “Jack” for “Jackie” and what kind of story would it be? Zzzzzzzzzzzz…(and that is what I also find troubling - the filmmakers are relying on the “gay” story line to make the movie. But it’s hardly shocking enough to drag out for 2+ hours. I mean does anyone remember the “Ellen” airport scene circa 1997? No, which is exactly my point. In a few years there will be bigger…more earth-shattering social fish to fry…)

And then there was the character development. Or lack thereof. I didn’t particularly like Ennis or Jack. We didn’t really get to know either of them…who they were…what motivated them. I know this because I didn’t cry on command when the script tried to force it. And I cry at everything – from babies to watching the 6 o’clock news. But the poor writing did not grab me…did not make me care enough about these characters to really feel much of anything. It was like “hey everybody – this is the sad part…it’s coming up…ready…okay everybody…1, 2, 3…cry!” and I couldn’t get into it, rather resented it for trying to force emotion that just wasn’t there.

And the look of the film itself (if that even makes sense)...but the look…was just…blah. They took one of the most beautiful places on earth (IMNSHO) and made it look…well… grey. Beige. Blah. As mentioned by my partner-in-crime/fellow-film-critic “maybe that was the look they were going for.” Stark. Depressing. I don’t know. But if so, they succeeded.

I will say on a high note that Heath Ledger is brilliant…his acting carried the movie…Jake – well – the only funny bit was in my head when I kept thinking that he looked NOTHING like he did in Spiderman...(duh)…and Michelle Williams…I mean all this hype, and she was in it for about 15 minutes. I mean I could have played Alma at that point. I have great boobs too.

So all in all – if you’re actually even still reading…keep your $12, and if you must waste 2 hours of your life…then rent the DVD. A better suggestion is take your $12, get a cheap bottle of wine or two, grab a friend (boy, girl, one of each, whichever) and tune into this...

P.S. I note eight Academy Award nominations. 8. Well I have been wrong before…see the likes of "Gladiator"…"Lord of the Rings"…"Million Dollar Baby"…and other hours spent that I will never get back. Maybe it’s me. But someone someday needs to write/produce a film that holds my interest. And that means you Parkes. I am waiting patiently…:)