Chapter Two

I know I know. A whole new look about things now. You may remember a year and a half of Ginger blogs...ranting and raving about everything from airports to radio talk shows...as indecisive about the choices I make as I am about the colour of my hair...and really...I just got bored of the whole thing. Always writing...musing... about what I should be doing with my life, instead of just doing it.

An amazing person once told me it was ACTIONS that matter. Not words. And I never really believed it - until recently - as I have had plenty of time to reflect on all these things...so many things. Firstly I wonder when it is that I will actually start to believe this person from the beginning, as he has always been right about everything. But secondly, and more importantly, I am ashamed by my lack of action. Merely floating around in the last year and a half...waiting for God or whomever to pluck me out of the tsunami waters and place me safely on dry, happy land. And that's just not going to happen.

So this time around, I am going to write as Mary-Ann. Honestly how I feel, not covered up under layers and layers of blonde hair, lip gloss, and piss and vinegar rants. Yes, they are still bound to occur - because - well - all of it is a part of me really. But just a part. I'm mostly the girl with brown curly hair, freckles, and tonnes of emotion that I cover up with sarcasm and anger. Which is silly really - because it's not being true to myself.

I have spent the last year...2 years...30 years...living the life everybody wants me to. And it just feels - empty. I have never thought about what I want, rather - just what will look good to others in a never-ending attempt to win approval. And I'm tired of it really. Tired.

I will be another year older in 12 days, and it amazes me how fast the time is going...I am not where I want to be right now - hanging in limbo - waiting for the hurts of a relationship past to go away. I want to move forward. And I need to do just that...because life is so short - I already have so many regrets, and there isn't much point to living life backward really.

So with that said, Chapter One comes to a close. It will always be there to look back fondly on, to learn from. But I was no longer happy there...and need to get on with a new chapter in order that this book might have a happy ending.

Indeed.